“You’re vegan? What do you eat?”


I can’t tell you how many times I get asked this. This is 2013. Vegan calamari exists. Health food and natural food stores are popping up in small towns.

Yet, ignorance still plagues humanity. I eat sand, obviously.

I actually should have just said this:


Pizza is almost as good as burritos and sandwiches. It’s completely versatile, fattening, and delicious. You can pretty much pile whatever on the crust made out of….anything. Piling food on top of food is always the best.

California Pizza Kitchen had inspired this pizza combination. Instead of their gorgonzola and mozzarella pear pizza, I substituted Teese cheese and a white wine sauce.

Pear Pizza

(I cheated and bought a crust from the store…)

Pizza Dough 

Olive Oil for coating the pizza dough and cooking the pear

1 onion, sliced finely

1/3 cup of white wine (I used Chardonnay)

2 tbsp of Earth Balance or more olive oil

1 tsp of garlic powder

1 tsp of paprika

1 pear, peeled and sliced finely (just use the peeler to slice it)

1/4 cup of capers

1 package of Teese ‘cheese’, sliced

1 tablespoon of chopped walnuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees or whatever it says on the pizza dough package. Knead and prepare the pizza dough. Drizzle the middle part of it with olive oil. Bake for ten minutes or until the crust is golden brown. Caramelize the pears in a frying pan with olive oil. In a saucepan, heat the Earth Balance or olive oil, and add the finely chopped onions. Once they are browned, add the white wine and simmer. Add the spices to the sauce.

As the pears become more translucent, remove from heat, and spread the white wine sauce/onions on the pizza dough. Assemble with the pears, Teese ‘cheese’, and capers. Sprinkle the walnuts on top, and bake until the ‘cheese’ is melted.


Congrats, you’re now a fancy bitch.